"Hi, you've reached Summer. I'm not here right now because I'm busy. Or I'm ignoring you. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Unless I'm ignoring you."
"Excuse me, are you drunk? At least it's good to know you don't stab people, but I never left you a message. Honestly, if you get like this when you're drinking you should consider a designated dialer."
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[From here!]